only the undefined are infinite

as we approach the start/finish line, i turn on an axis of my own making.
i bleed into language like a storm lets rain, untamed, bound by none.
when we're gone, they'll tell stories about us, and it will all begin like this.

they are a definition unto themselves.





because i wonder about the slope of your cheekbones, the curvature of your hands in every vase of flowers you've carried and all the notebooks you've filled up. there's nothing heretical about this, loving girls as much as boys and only wanting to be their best friend. wanting, with all my being. there's nothing improper about it but they tell me i'm wrong anyway.

eventually, at some critical point, i learn to stop caring.

coincidence, perfect coincidence, that black-gray-purple are the colors i choose to dress in, that pink and blue were the first colors of paint i always went for.

one day i wrap myself in a flag and read the things that change my life.

i saw a teenaged goddess who i knew by name
telling the world that she was unafraid.

until that moment i had always carried around a hesitation.

now, tucked into my pocket, is the dare-me attitude of the sapphic revolution.






yesterday i stayed up writing love letters past midnight.
today, i will spend the morning baking a carrot cake and reciting formulas as i work, because this is how it comes together. i find the area where limits point to real numbers, and i stir together spoons of cinnamon and vanilla, apple syrup, maple warmth. the skies are clear. the wind is sweet.

may day is coming but i'm flying, not falling.

i find the right volume of water to keep the bamboo and orchid flush with life. i find the perfect volume for a song to be played on repeat, loud enough for the angels to call down in chorus. then i hike, i run, not because i'm being chased but to feel the earth under my feet and breathe a melody of ecstasy.

this afternoon, i will return and study the table of equations, prompted into endless understanding. prompted into delight. i'll color a daydream with coffee cake, the heavenly taste of chocolate and strawberries, of wild blueberry jam on toast.

perhaps i'll never be the girl wearing lip gloss the flavor of cyanide cherry cake, bursting with curse words and lucidity, but i am nature incarnate.

i have skin that matches untouched oriental wood and eyes that catch the light like fire opal.

i am a rational function modeled by the most beautiful theorem in mathematics, advocating power to the imaginary and irrational. i am the result of multiplying youth with science and wishful words. i am dividing time into timeless moments and making the remainder about you.

i am the sum of every sound i heard from your lips and learned from the light as it bent around an eclipse.






when i meet you,

i'll feel like i'm standing in the presence of an icarus girl who made it, golden gleaming wings ready to soar toward the next sky-blessed part of earth. i'll anticipate a thousand smooth stones scalding the our bottoms of our feet. i'll bring the blooming pink flowers from the balcony to an evening spent camping on the beach, sparks flying and flames rising. i'll play the piano for you and hope it's as ephemeral as winter clouds. rose, the first flower in my garden. i'll see you in the dawn and wait with you, stay with you, to watch the sunset.

i'll run through the rain and storms to join you in the north, or maybe on a road trip over one sunny july. i'll find us somewhere filled with perfume, cool weather, cookies and chocolate milk. i'll be content swimming in music and your brave, beautiful voice. i'll never forget how to stand up tall and face challenges with bright smiles, gold hearts. here's to the lion-hearted, marlana. i'll write you letters and our words will come to cross a thousand dazzling rivers.

i'll wake up at the moment the light comes through the curtains and myrance glimmers in the air like a thousand tiny gems. i'll make you tea in coral cups traced with teal seashells and lilacs for my perfect, perfect windowchild, and promise you there's nothing to apologize for. i'll hug you tight because i know you don't like math but i can speak in so much more than numbers since i found you. i'll think of you in every glimpse of wildflowers and bluejays and white-tailed deer. precious olivia, i'll always be here in the serenissime sunbeams.

i'll realize that i've always believed in magic on some level. i'll reminisce and read your words until my eyes are heavy with the night and i fall asleep on the tides of moon-pulled mazarine seas. i'll watch the daylight glinting in stained glass and falling upon the morning dew, cold and pretty like fairy wings. i'll sit down among fresh snow and fractal-leaf ferns as they unfold like emeralds and turquoise tessellations. sweet pea, i'll see soft and celestial in everything as i wait in the meadow.

i'll paint you constellations on the ceiling and embroider verse onto the bedsheets. i'll search for a messy bun in the california crowds, for the girl who knows how to love in a million different winged words. i'll tell you about the scent of the waterlilies in my hometown on the other side of the world. i'll bring you sheet music and we can let our raison d'etre be little things like electric blue twilights and dark brown scarves. i'll travel through the city on subway lines, heading to an apartment and a desk overflowing with pens and pencils. karen, the muse. i'll hold my breath when you speak.

i'll search the entire library for a book that smells like cedar, and i'll find it next to edition thirty-six of our compliment battles. i'll plot mischief in shades of periwinkle and chameleon. querida cholie, i'll tip-toe through spun sugar with you any time.

and, i'll sit down with you over old photographs and study the shapes of light and shadow, the blurred edges and center in crisp focus. rissa, i'll wander with you through purple and blue galleries in a museum made for wide-eyed visitors. haru, dear starry wonder, i'll mix galaxies and nebulae onto vellum with pigments impossibly floral and astral. liyah, i'll tilt my hands up to the supernova while we're dancing in the raindrops. seren, i'll compose a myriad moments to make you feel immortal. eileen, lou, i'll save a soft space for you by the parenthetical riverbanks. shakthi, orooj, zeān, i'll love you enough that the sky will stay immeasurable, insha'allah.

i'll quote any number of song lyrics to win a brilliant smile from you. i'll collect sharp splintered things and memories of the wisp of bleached clouds. i'll relearn the root words in anatomy and recount exactly how many of my days were built by strong bones. i'll point out every cat in the streets and find flowers in the strangest places, scattered over a guitar or tucked into stairwells. beautiful ezra, i'll make wishes on shooting stars for yours to come true.

i'll look into your wise eyes and see the thirteen thousand worlds within, the knowledge promising of uncharted depths. i'll follow you over the ocean, through the forest, into the city, down the rabbit hole with wild animals on the hunt for answers that ask to be chased. i'll be at home wherever there are deep green woods and violet irises. i'll step forward armed with sonder and science as one, our logical minds and mathematical hearts so fully alive, alive. my amethyst vixen, my dame vulpes, my foxgirl, i'll feel the autumn winds whirl and show us the fallen gems of the trees. breanna, my soul-twin. i'll want to be beside you forever.

i'll ask where you've been all this time. i'll savor the sound of your voice, your warm words and a soft lisp, achingly familiar and filled with sunflower smiles. i'll track how your handwriting shifts from day to day, and i'll leave you hastily drawn roses on post-it notes. i'll ask if you want to be a quantum rebel once more and when they dare to ask us either-or. i'll pick fights with entropy and play old songs from a newfound cassette. i'll run with you on the rooftops until we're breathless and laughing harder yet. i'll build home between us and the criminal gang, and every day there will be another dream. oh, divya. i'll remember to take you out for raspberry ice-cream.